Some time ago my friend and former student, Autumn called to tell me another former student -- let's call him"Peter" -- was concerned about my relationship with Sue. Did Sue and I hook up when she was still my student? Because that would be Wrong! Could it be that Sue, that little minx!, had caused my split with my former partner? "Peter," and I suppose all of his friends, wanted to know.
Since I have never spoken a word to this student except in friendship and respect, and since I even spent a lot of extra time helping him work on a speech disorder, I was of course pissed off, first, that this kid felt himself entitled to question my personal life, and, second, that he apparently chose to do so by talking to everybody except me. On the other hand, as I have written here previously, the men and women who work in the teaching profession live curiously public private lives, and so I suppose it is to be expected that our relationship would draw some attention and idiot commentary from people who ought to know better.
So, "Peter"! I broke up with my ex because of her drinking, which was either going to ruin us both or just her. The drinking issue had endured for about 10 years, but in 2000 she wrecked a car and a year or so later she got a DUI. I stayed in that relationship for many years longer than was good for me -- this because I loved her and because I believe you ought to be faithful to and supportive of your life partner. I have never spoken about this side of my life until this post. I didn't have anybody in my life at the time, and frankly wasn't thinking about relationships. Sue and I got together way after she finished her curriculum at the HC, when she was well along in her own career. We actually spent some time and energy trying to hook each other up with other people, as many of you no doubt recall. When Sue got into the MA program at Boca we got worried and called the Ombudsman to "report" our relationship. Will this do, bubba?
Still, we both admit that we asked for it. The other night a waiter walked up to us and said "Well! Here's a lucky man out with his lovely daughter!" -- then he saw our wedding rings and, well, I think Sue might have been making faces at him, too, and he said "Oh, shit! I'm sooooo sorry. . ." I told him we get that a lot.
Actually, I'm five years older than Sue's father, who lives here with us and whom I love very much.
And now. . . . (the house lights go down, the drum roll comes up). . . to share our pleasure at being married with all of you (you too, "Peter") here is my own list of the Top Ten whack things people have said about our age difference:
10. Walteria Tucker, former student, to Moxy (Sue's bridesmaid): "I knew those two were up to something!" (Walteria! How I love you! Please see above. Haha!)
9. Moxy: "Um. . . well. . . this isn't at all the movie I was expecting." Mox, my former student and our cherished friend, had declared a "girls' night" and came over with a "chick flick" to watch with Sue. The movie was Suburban Girl with Alec Baldwin, as the old guy, and Sarah Michelle Geller, as the young chick. These two fuck for a while and at the end she "outgrows" him:
She say: "When I look at you, I see a teacher. When you look at me, you see a student. And the truth is, a girl can never grow up until she loses her father."
And he say: "Goodbye, Pumpkin."
And she walks off and just before the final blackout the Screen Say: "The End." This gets crossed out and replaced with "The Beginning."
Oh, Mox! We're gonna have to talk about this one!
8. Everybody who has said "Hey, I think its great! No, really! Great man! I mean. . . wow! I mean, as long as youuuuuu'rrrre haaaaa-pyyyyy. I mean, hell! Fuck what everybody else thinks! Right? Life is for living, Right?"
7. My students in Medieval Lit: Teaching Chaucer has gotten so much harder! For the "Miller's Tale" I like to ask, "Why is it funny when an old man marries a young woman?" After a pause, I like to say, "Come on! We live in South Florida and you know what I'm talking about." Then a student will say "Because she only marries him for his money?" and "Because she will leave him for a younger man?" Now, when I ask this question, nobody answers at all. Everybody just looks wide-eyed and afraid, as if to say "We don't think its funny at all, Dr. Harrawood! You can marry anybody you want." (Damn right!)
6. The unnamed co-worker on the MacArthur Campus: "How old is she? 25? Oh! My! God! You got it made now! You're on easy street! You're gonna have such a great life now." This guy is my age and goes on in front of about 20 people. "You know, women have problems when they get old. You're skipping over all that."
A few days later I was talking to a few high-school students and he came up behind them and pumped his fist in the air a few times.
5. Marya Summers, friend and free-lance writer: "So! Kyle says you're gonna marry a young latin hottie!" (I love you, Marya!)
4. Hank and Will Harrawood, nephews: "He's a weight lifter, Dad. They get the hot chicks."
3. Nurse Agnes, my checkout nurse at Delray Medical: "Is this the WIFE? Oh, God, you are young! How old are you, honey?" Like I got Sue at some online third-world Brides-R-Us place. Sue said "I'm Young!"
2. My wonderful Honors Summer Institute Students:
Megan: "Um, Mr. Harrawood. . . I mean! Dr. Harrawood, is your wife hot? She's like, YOUNG! How old is she? How old are you? Whoa. . ."
The next day:
Kaitlin B.: "I sorta know what you're going through. My boyfriend is younger than me, too."
"How old is he?
"Fifteen."
"And, how old are you?"
"Sixteen."
AND. . . The Number One most whack thing anybody has said about my marriage to Sue is a tie between:
Kristen Murtaugh, MacArthur Campus Vice-President: "Are you and Sue going to have children? . . . of course. . . You won't always be in the picture. And maybe Sue will still be young enough to have children with somebody else after you're. . . well. . . you know. . . uh. . . not in the picture any more."
and. . .
Alfie W, realtor: (Alfie is 64 and a cancer survivor and a great guy): "Twenty-five? That's great Mike! How much life insurance you got? Well, you're doin' it all wrong Mike. Because, see, take me. I'm insured for nearly a quarter mil! And that means that whatever BABE hooks up with me is gonna run around town and have a ball with me. And then she's gonna take care of me when I'm sick. And when I die... Well! She's gonna have one heck of a pay day."
That's it! I'm sure there's more stuff out there, but I haven't heard it.
